Is that flying excrement?

I've heard of **** hitting the fan.

I've heard of feeling like a big pile of poo (bpp).

But I've just witnessed a construction crane lifting a portable toilet to the top of the building that's being built in my neighbourhood. That's a 20 storey lift for a poo collector. That's the first time I've seen that.

And now that it's up there... how will they get it down when the building is complete? I'm pretty sure they have more floors to put up on top of where the porta potty is. Will it become part of the structure? It's too big to fit in an elevator, that's why they used the crane to lift it... 

I think I'll try to avoid thinking about portable toilets stuck in all these tall buildings... but it's kinda like not thinking about a yellow rhinoceros... once it's said, it sticks... and apparently it can fly.

What if the fish Are 700 years old?

An interesting oops was discovered recently. Radiocarbon dating of fish doesn't work!

Or does it?

Archeologists have discovered that fish remains ground in pottery bowls from a freshly caught fish can give radiocarbon dates that make them appear Medieval! Apparently, water has less carbon-14 than air.

But what if the fish Are centuries older than we thought? What if fish in the wild do live unbelievably long lives?

Gold fish, nope, can't keep them alive for more than a few months.

Sturgeon though, they can be hundreds of years old.

And lets not forget about the Lock Ness Monster... that's prehistoric.

Unfortunately, radiocarbon dating shows time of death, not age of the beast. So unless someone used a time machine to go back and catch and cook a fish in Medieval times, and then bring it back to present day... not a very likely use of a time machine if there was one... it's just not a good method for dating fish remains.

So dating of ancient cultures that ate a lot of fish may be a bit fishy.

Where's the little paper umbrella?

My spouse and I went to Maui, Hawaii many years ago and stayed at a wonderful hotel with a wonderful spa. At this wonderful spa they had a "water course" of about 20 different pools, baths and showers that you spent a half an hour playing around in before your spa treatment. I made it to about 7 or 8 of the different spots, including a shower that dropped water on you from about 2 storeys up - very heavy water, big splash, felt wonderful.

Today in Vancouver - and for the past 2 weeks - we have been experiencing a "Pineapple Express". A weather system of drenching rain brought to us directly from Hawaii. Very heavy water, big splashes, but depressing and not at all wonderful.

And the annoying part is, there is no cabana, there is no sun, there is no pool, except there are many many deep puddles. There are no pretty ladies coming around at precisely the right moment to ask if you want another fruity drink, as you sit in your cabana enjoying the sunny day without getting sunburnt.

This may be water from Hawaii, but the delivery mechanism is just wrong.

And the little paper umbrellas in the fruity drinks would just be wads of colourful paper spit balls...

How do you start a conversation about asteroids?

There is an asteroid that will get close enough to Earth on February 15 to peg off a communication satellite or two!

But as the article I've linked to shows, it seems you have to mention the Tunguska Impact event to get people who watch asteroids interested.

According to the telegraph.uk article, the asteroid is about the same size as the one from Tunguska. Well that should give most people who know about Tunguska a case of the willies. That was a significant event in recent times that would have been even more devastating if it had happened in a more populated area of the planet.

It's interesting that we have to make comparisons with other events to bring an idea into focus.

Why drain sewers for a bike lane?

For the past 2 days we have had a sewer pump truck running at it's very loudest and obnoxious whine on the street just around the corner from our building.

That's one big sewer clog.

I've just been talking with my hairdresser, who works in a building on the other side of the street, and he says this is all about bike lanes. The sewer work is not being done on the road which will get the bike lane, but on the major road that crosses it at the next intersection. They are re-doing all the sidewalk edges and corners on the streets that cross the bike lane road. And that apparently includes getting rid of sewer clogs. Big sewer clogs.

So I'm thinking this is just one of those "while we're there anyway" kind of projects. The street getting the bike lane is not a busy street by any stretch of the imagination, so it's not an inconvenient thing, but one wonders if it's a necessary thing. It will mean there is a dedicated bike lane from Stanley Park up to the bike lane downtown, so it's nice for completists, but you can bike mostly on the seawall between the two points now, so it's not that necessary. So maybe the sewer pumping is a "benefit" of getting the bike lanes.

This noise went from 8am to 5:45pm yesterday. This whine of sewer pumping. They started at 8am again today... it's 2pm now, and they are still pumping. Big, Big sewer clog.

And now they've turned up the volume... maybe they grabbed the clog. Big truck, big noise. Man, that was some dump someone took. You knew the discussion had to go there sometime. And now the noise has gone down again. And up again. And.... and... off?

Yes! Songs of celebration! Choirs singing praises and classical music!

That was one big sewer clog.

Are we still here?

The end of the Mayan calendar, and we're still here. The end was supposed to be December 21, 2012... or December 23, 2012... some scholarly debate was held on that one. But we continue.

It's not so much a matter of apocalypse or not, but the sheer silly English wording that gets me.

I've always found the question "Are we here?" to be a stunningly silly one. If you can ask the question, you still exist, and you are undoubtably somewhere, in English it's known quite simply as "here". So of course, you are "here".

I may watch too much science fiction movies and shows. That is where someone always says "Are we here?" That's how you know it's a good time to give up on the less interesting ones and stop the program, so "No, you're not here because you were too dull to continue with."

Netflix has made giving up on shows simple and cost-free when they fail to entertain... it's lovely to be able to end the program at "Are we here?". Click. No you're not.

Can we deflect an asteroid with junk mail?

A very creative MIT grad student has won an award in the Move An Asteroid 2012 Competition with his proposal to hit the asteroid with paintballs. 

At first, this sounded like a report from a pseudo-scientific humorous newspaper, but it's a real competition and the plan is stunningly sensible. The idea is to paint the asteroid white, changing how the rays from the sun affect it - changing it's trajectory - so it doesn't hit us. (Yes, they are doing this for a reason - there is an asteroid headed our way, it will be close to Earth in 2029 and again in 2036.)

I've just been battling piles of paper. There is always more paper. More junk mail. More things you printed in error, and have to shred. More requests from charities, so you have to shred the mail because it has your address on it. More junk mail. And every once in a while a very important piece of paper. 

It's that one very important piece of paper that is the main problem. You can't just get rid of all of the mail at quick swoop. You have to see if that important piece is inside the mountain of junk.

It's quite demoralizing, because you know you've lost at least one important piece of mail in the past and you don't want to do it again. So you pile the paper up to do something with it later. And then you start another pile because the first one is in danger of toppling. 

But this goes on for way too long. 

Finally, you have to spend a day covered in paper, sorting it, and searching for that all important piece.

So why can't we hit the asteroid with paper? Send it mountains of mail. It's mostly white, so that could deflect the sun like the paintball plan, and it's bloody depressing to boot. It should be depressing enough to be a cosmic downer. We can demoralize the asteroid into stopping and giving up by covering it with paper.

I think it's a good plan.